Even though she will give the name of one of her sisters when asked who I am, she still knows that I am her daughter. The name just escapes her. As I sit beside her and hold her hand or brush her hair, I talk to her. Every once in a while there will be a light in her eyes letting me know that she understands a little of what I am telling her.
On my last visit I kissed her cheek and said, "I love you". It thrilled my heart to hear her softly reply, "I love you". It is a rare moment when she can string three words together.
In my devotions and studying this month I was challenged with a statement that cut to the core of my being. It was that we need to savor the moments of care giving and not just endure them. As I reflected on this I knew that in the challenge of struggling with dressing Mom or handling one of her delusional moments I had shown love and patience but I had not savored the time. I had endured it.
Facing this reality caused me to ask myself how to change this. There is only one way that I have found. I have to allow myself to grieve the losses as they come. God can then heal my heart and strengthen me for the rest of the journey. Over time I have been doing this but I have stopped short of pushing in with God until I once again feel joy. God has made a provision for my comfort. After being comforted, I once again can experience the joy that I need to savor the moments of caregiving.
