Role Reversals

Over the weekend I traveled to visit my parents. It was a time that reminded me of just how much our roles have reversed over the last several years.  I walked  into my dad's house and looked  around to see if he had food in the pantry and fridge.  I checked  the laundry and made mental notes of what I needed to do for him while I am there.

My husband and I joked as we walked through a local store purchasing items Dad needed.  The list included a new ironing board, a new mop, cleaning supplies and a dry erase/cork board to keep up with his doctor appointments, medications and insulin shots.  Our joke was that this felt much like the shopping trips made to send our children off to college.

Then I went to visit with Mom at the nursing home.  As I tried to feed her she was refusing to open her mouth.  When I told her to open her mouth she replied, "Shut up".  Humor is a useful tool so I applied it.  I looked into her eyes and and said, "Wait just a minute young lady.  You never allowed me to tell you to shut up so you can't tell me too.  Open your mouth and eat this food".  Surprisingly she did just that.

It is a fine line we walk in allowing them their dignity as they age.  It is very helpful to guide them into thinking things are their ideas rather than telling them what they need to do.  A few phone calls to nurses have worked wonders for us.  We can place a call ahead of a visit and explain what we are facing.  When the doctor and nurse make suggestions they carry way more weight than when we make the suggestions.  This also guides the medical team in knowing the questions they need to ask.  If you do not have a medical power of attorney, consider getting one.  At a minimum, have your parents sign forms allowing the medical providers to discuss the patient with you.

Honoring my parents can be difficult when they are being stubborn.  I have to remind myself that they made sacrifices for me and I know I was not always as appreciative as I should have been.  The roles are reversed but we still must work hard to love and respect where each of us now are.